Are you a single mom who is petrified of dating men again in front of your growing kids? Get in line! This is a common fear among all single mothers, and with good reason.
The choice of allowing a man into their lives carries more weight now with children in tow – then it did before when kids were not in the picture.
That's why Mom, There's A Man In The Kitchen And He's Wearing Your Robe: The Single Mother's Guide to Dating Well without Parenting Poorly (2005) by Ellie Slott Fisher is such a breath of fresh air for women struggling with this very dilemma.
For women without kids, getting out into the dating scene is an often intimidating (but fun and exciting) idea. For women with kids, it's absolutely terrifying. Think about it – greater than 10 million women in the United States alone are raising kids without a partner in the picture. And they all have the same fears: When should I start dating again? Will he still like me after I reveal that I have children? Will he be around long enough for me to introduce him into their lives? Will the kids like him? Is this a good idea?
All are common fears, and this book helps to alleviate them. Mom, There's a Man in the Kitchen and He's Wearing Your Robe is the go-to guide for women struggling with this issue, and the author, Ellie Slott Fisher, speaks from personal experience. That's why women who bought the book raved about it in their reviews on Amazon.com.
Fisher has been married twice. The first time, she became a widow. The second, she divorced. She's also a mother of two, so she knows just how hard it is to re-enter the dating game from all sides of the equation. That's precisely the reason this is such a candid and refreshing read. She speaks from a place of experience. The author adds in real women's stories to complement her own, a tactic that lends some real credibility to the book. She also throws in advice from some of the leading family therapists in the industry, an educated move that validates the tips that she offers up in the pages. She keeps things light, however – there's a heaping portion of humor to level things out when they begin getting a little too overwhelming.
In her book, Fisher teaches women everything from how to go about meeting men to when and where to introduce a new man to their little ones. She even addresses such touchy topics as how and where to start the sex part of a new relationship, to talking to teenagers about their dating while practicing what you preach in your own social life.
What You'll Find in the Book
Mom, There's A Man In The Kitchen is a sharp, witty dialogue, written woman-to-woman to offer up a no-nonsense approach to dating while raising children. At less than two hundred pages, it's a lickety-split read with laughs in all the right places and advice at every turn.
The book begins by addressing the circumstances that cause a woman to find herself “uncoupled” (as the book calls it) and the chapter helps the woman to reconcile whether the single mom is ready to date before she gets out there and tries. A good indicator, says the author, is residual emotions toward an ex. If you feel intense love (or intense hate), then you’re probably not ready to date again. It’s important to give yourself enough time to grieve the death of the relationship before putting yourself back out there. Then, once you begin to feel something that resembles ambivalence, you’re probably ready to get back in the game.
The next chapter focuses on looking for the right men to date. This is a hard subject, but the book does a fantastic job of tackling it without holding back. Many single moms struggle because it's hard enough as a single woman to date – but having children makes the process downright impossible at times. This chapter provides tips and suggestions to ease the tension between dating and raising children, and women will come away with some ideas for finding the right guys to date without disrupting the family dynamics. The following chapter is about the all-important first date, and recognizing the fact that it's a first date for you and your children. When you keep this in mind, it helps you to be much more discriminating about the men who take you out.
Because kids change the dynamic of dating again so dramatically for single moms, the fourth and fifth chapters are devoted solely to the children. The fourth is about your kids themselves – how they affect all your interpersonal relationships, how they affect you dating life, and everything in between. The fifth chapter covers what to do if you find your teenagers using bad behavior in their dating relationships, and how you can nip it in the bud without looking like a hypocrite in your own dating life.
The final chapters cover sex – an uber-important matter, especially with kids in the house. Discretion is the key here, and treading lightly is the name of the game. The seventh chapter covers your kids' relationship with a person that's looking serious. Remember, if your kids don't start out on the right foot with your new guy, there could be problems between them for life, which may end up negatively affecting your relationship with your man down the road – which is the last thing you want when you finally find love again.
The very last chapter in the book is about life in a brand new serious relationship. Logistics, living together, the sex part, everything is covered in this chapter. Your relationship with your kids is the most important part, and starting things off on the right foot with your new man is paramount to your love life's long-term success. That's where Mom, There's A Man In The Kitchen hits a homerun for single moms everywhere.