The biggest question being asked by single mothers is “how to introduce boyfriend to kids? Or “when should the children meet my boyfriend?” There are mothers out there who date male after male and are constantly bringing new men into their children’s lives.
There are also mothers out there who keep it under wraps if they are dating someone. There is a fine line between introducing right away and not mentioning the new boyfriend at all. The answer to “when is the right time for the kids to meet the man in my life,” is slowly and gradually. Most children are indifferent to meeting a new male in their lives and mothers should be sensitive to this.
Make it Fun
Introducing the boyfriend to your kids does not have to be stressful, in fact; it can be fun. Take the pressure off of this by going to a big event where you are not in a room by yourselves. The kids will get to know your boyfriend by spending time with him. It's very rare that a child can simply warm up to your new boyfriend after a single meeting. The key is to make it pleasurable for your boyfriend and your kids, so that the pressure is off and everyone can just have some good time.
It's natural to feel wound up about your new love, but kids see affection in a different light. It is okay to show physical fondness, but the rule of thumb is to do it gradually. After the kids have known your boyfriend for a while, it's appropriate to start showing affection by holding hands, hugging and the occasional kiss. Do not be surprised if one of your children tries to sneak in the middle and break you apart. Kids enjoy trying to fight for the mother's attention when the boyfriend is in the picture.
Kids vs. Boyfriend
At one point in time you may feel as though it's the kids vs. the boyfriend. It happens in many relationships, where your significant other and your children do not see eye to eye. This is especially true if the biological dad is in the picture because children feel a little threatened at times. It's important for the couple to not take the situation too seriously because these are natural feelings for kids to have. In fact, it might be strange if they didn't feel this way. Your meeting someone new is a big deal and it affects your children in a major way. Stay calm and handle the situation with sensitivity and care because it is a vital part of introducing the boyfriend to your children.
Timing is Everything
Is there a dire urgency for you to allow the boyfriend and children to meet? Slowly introducing them is important, but the timing also has to be right. If you have been seeing this boyfriend while you were separated from your husband, then your kids' feelings are still going to be fresh. Although you may be ready for this next step, it does not mean everyone else is. At one point in their lives it was a completely different scenario and now all of that is changing. Just keep the timing in mind when you decide to allow this meeting.
Every boyfriend and single mom case is different. Your new boyfriend may have kids of his own and that spins the situation into a whole new direction. As a single mother dating, you might find yourself in the same situation as your boyfriend. As you progress through this stage in your life, just remember that your kids should come first. It’s easy to get caught up in the “lovey-dovey” stuff, but at the end of the day it’s your kids’ feelings that really need to be put into consideration.